It's all about bouncing back

Friday, August 1, 2008

TV's Frank of Cinematic Titanic on "What Superman Could Have Done if He Really Cared"

So Comicon is over now and Frank Conniff (TV's Frank) of Cinematic Titanic has been blogging nostalgic about the experience. He noted wryly that it seemed odd to find true comic book fans in the San Diego crowd and talks about the paper comic favorites of his youth.

(Image is of Frank, playing "himself" (?) on Invader Zim).

The best part of the piece, however, is a series of letters that he drafts between Superman and past world leaders. These raise some wonderful questions that I think have occurred to all of us at one time, but only Frank has the skill, humor and style to ask. They are beautiful. I have quoted a few below, but you should go read the whole post as well.

Sometimes I forget that Joel Hodgson could only have become the sexiest man alive because he was backed by genius like this. God bless you, Frank.


"Another thing that I loved, and still love to this day, was the fact that even though Superman was a “strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men,” and even though he could literally do anything with his superpowers, he spent all of his time pursuing petty, two-bit criminals in the city of Metropolis. I often wondered why the major political figures of that time didn’t write Superman urgent letters, begging him to raise his superhero game just a few notches. So before I sign off, here are a few of those letters, recently unearthed by the Library of Congress:

Dear Superman,

I don’t know if you’re aware of this or not, but our country and the Soviet Union are currently engaged in a dangerous nuclear arms race. Since you profess to stand for “truth, justice, and the American way,” it might behoove you to take a few minutes to fly over to Russia and destroy their nuclear arsenal. It wouldn’t take you no more than a few minutes to accomplish this and it would result in a triumph for democracy and our way of life that would benefit future generations. Please consider this and try and get back to me as soon as you can.

Dwight David Eisenhower
President of the United States
Washington, DC.

Dear Mr. President,

I received your message and the urgency of the situation was not lost on me. However, there has been a rash of Armored Car Robberies in Metropolis lately, and the gang that pulled off these capers has kidnapped Lois Lane. Therefore, I am afraid I cannot attend to your nuclear arms race thing anytime in the foreseeable future. Thank you for interest and please accept the enclosed eight-by-ten autographed picture of myself as a token of my esteem.

Yours Truly,
Care of the Daily Planet (But I’m not Clark Kent)
Metropolis, U.S.A.

Dear Superman,

Recently it has come to my attention that if you were so inclined, you could shoot a beam out of your eyes that could burn and destroy every single weapon in the world, and that it wouldn’t take you more than twenty minutes to do this. I don’t know if you are aware of the crusade for world peace that I have embarked upon but the destruction of every weapon in the world would go a long way towards making my goal of a completely non-violent world a reality. I hope you can find a half-hour somewhere in your schedule to help me with this cause.

Mahatma Gandhi
New Delhi, India

Dear Mr. Gandhi,

I am a great supporter of all your good works, and I would love to be of some assistance to you, but unfortunately I already promised Inspector Henderson that I would help him smash a ring of jewel thieves that have made off with hundreds of dollars in stolen loot. So until I crack this case, and rescue Jimmy Olsen, who has been kidnapped by the gang, I will not be available for any activities that involve the bringing about of world peace. But I am a big fan of your work and I hope that one day we can work on a project together.

Yours Truly,

Dear Superman,

I am sure that you are aware that because of your x-ray vision, you have the ability to see into the innermost recesses of the human body, as well as all of nature and the entire universe as well. Thus, if you took just a few moments of your time, you could impart to us knowledge and insight that could very well result in the end of all human disease. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, the scientific community would greatly appreciate your participation in an endeavor that could very well bring mankind to the next evolutionary stage.

Albert Schweitzer
Lambaréné, Gabon

Dear Dr. Schweitzer,

All I can say is: wow! It would be truly amazing to pull that off. But the thing is, I am currently on the trail of a crooked Wrestling Promoter who has been giving he city of Metropolis a bad name. And on top of that, the thugs who have been behind his crooked scheme have kidnapped both Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen. So I think you can understand why curing all human disease is not something I can focus on right now. But I totally support what you are doing and I’m going to get my good friend Clark Kent to write a paragraph about you in the Sunday Calendar Section of the Daily Planet. Thanks for keeping in touch and keep up the good work!

Yours Truly,

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